Q&A WITH RABBI DAN

If you have a question that you would like Rabbi Dan to answer, please send it to him at RabbiDan@juno.com and he will respond here (or personally if requested!)

IS IT PROPER TO PAY SOMEONE TO SAY KADDISH IN YOUR HOME?

In Judaism, one traditionally recites kaddish for a month following the death of a child, sibling or spouse. One recites kaddish for eleven months following the death of a parent.

A custom has developed, especially among those who don’t attend synagogue often or don’t feel comfortable saying kaddish, to make a charitable donation to a yeshiva or another organization which will assume the obligation to recite kaddish, by reciting the name of the loved one at their daily services.

This is a custom which, IMHO, is completely inappropriate.

The purpose of kaddish is to show that a relative of the deceased is remembering them before God. To pay someone else to say the prayer defeats the purpose of kaddish.

An Orthodox Jew may pray three times a day, but a Reform Jew may recite kaddish in a synagogue, where there is a minyan, or even in the privacy of their home. Both of these involve the mourner, even if it is not three times a day and even if it is not daily. Still, a heart-felt remembrance by a family member is closer to the intent of kaddish than paying a stranger to assume this obligation.

It reminds me of an old line by the Yiddish author known as Shalom Alaykhem “if the rich could pay the poor to die for them, the poor could make a good living by dying.”

WHAT IS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE CANDLE LIGHTING CEREMONY AT MANY BAR/BAT MITZVAH PARTIES?

None. Simply put, the Candle Lighting ceremony is a very extended photo op, usually accompanied by some simplistic poetry. It has no religious or Jewish significance and, in some ways, contradicts the significance of becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

The candles usually are seen as indicating a birthday and I have been to several parties where the MC actually led the guests in singing “Happy Birthday” to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah following the ceremony.

While the ceremony can be handled tastefully, it often halts any momentum that the party is building up as people dutifully walk up when their names are called to get their picture taken.

Is it a sin? No. Is it necessary? Absolutely not.

WHY DO JEWISH HOLIDAYS MOVE FROM YEAR TO YEAR?

The Jewish calendar is lunar; it is based on the moon. The secular/Gregorian calendar we use in our daily lives is solar; it is based on the sun.

The Jewish calendar has 354 days (6 @ 29 and 6 @ 30 days), while the solar calendar has 365 days (366 every four years). Seven times every nineteen years, an extra month is added to the Jewish calendar to compensate for the eleven fewer days in a typical lunar year as compared to the solar year.

The dates of Jewish holidays never change on the Jewish calendar. However, Jewish holidays will never be on the same date on the Gregorian calendar from year to year. Each holiday will be around 11 days earlier or about 19 days later than it was observed the previous year, depending on whether or not the approaching year is a leap year or not on the Jewish calendar.

WHAT DOES THE YEAR 5771 SYMBOLIZE?

The traditional chronology of the Torah, particularly in the early chapters of Genesis, combined with the decisions of sages of the Talmudic era, helped to formulate the Jewish calendar as it exists today.  The year 5771 is said to represent the number of years since the worlds creation.

Though most of us do not accept this belief, we continue to use the traditional numbering system.

AT WHAT AGE SHOULD CHILDREN BEGIN ATTENDING SERVICES?

Children should attend services when they begin to be able to sit quietly. They may initially need “breaks” from the service, but a young child will rarely sit quietly for an hour or more. Parents should exercise discretion in bringing their child to services and understand that others are there for prayer and other purposes. A disruptive child interferes with the worship experience of others and acquires no benefits from their attendance.

On the other hand, an attentive child can be fascinated with the singing, the clothing, the Torah scrolls and much, much more. While we have High Holy Day child care, by advance reservation, for Rosh Hashana morning and Yom Kippur morning, if a family knows that young children will be present and contacts us, we can arrange to have a room set up with a VCR and other items to keep the child entertained. The Rabbi Milton Weinberg Library is also available as a nearby location for children who need some time out of the Sanctuary.

WHY DO GIRLS NOW WEAR A TALLIT WHEN THEY BECOME BAT MITZVAH?

The significance of a tallit is that one is now a Jewish adult, who is responsible for living by the teachings of Judaism. Since Reform and most Conservative synagogues believe that adult men and women share in this responsibility, girls often wear a tallit nowadays when they become Bat Mitzvah. Previously, girls were not treated equally to boys at services, particularly in Conservative Judaism, and the wearing of the tallit was quite rare for that reason.Today, the trend is very much in the direction of Jewish adults, both male and female, wearing a tallit.